He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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