So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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