So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
