i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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