highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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