you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
