The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
