The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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