so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
only if we run a train.
done.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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