I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
