i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
