I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
