Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
