no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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