Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
