this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Green mimosas i think yes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
