your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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