Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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