I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
