Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
