I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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