That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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