this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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