I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm like, not good at living.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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