people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
