Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
there is another microwave in the elevator.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
