I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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