so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
