you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
