The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
