1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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