You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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