that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
