did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
