No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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