OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
