got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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