I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
