U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
