you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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