I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish my penis had a tongue
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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