i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
