I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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