I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
