Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
