i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are we still banned from the library?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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