FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
