somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i've created a new STD.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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