That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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