I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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