I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
